Thursday Ambitions

7:29am

I am so exhausted. It’s going to be hard to stay awake today. I wonder what kind of cognitive dissonance is caused by my perpetual lack of sleep.** I think some people come into the gym without much direction, they sort of walk around and look for interesting machines to use. I don’t doubt that they’re getting some muscular stimulation but it’s not extremely effective. Referring to the guy who comes in and mutes the music every morning. He seems like such an unsatisfied person. Complains a lot. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

10:45am

I keep a daily log for introspection and guidance for my day’s agenda. Sure, it’s basically a journal but I keep it open all day and everytime I come back to it I note the time down like above. Instead of keeping it private I’m going to put it on here. I will be as candid as possible and remember that this is extremely subjective so take it as you will. With that said I’ll get on with the day’s log.

I work for a fitness center management company, we staff, provide personal training, and group instruction within the fitness centers located in various corporate buildings in Washington DC, Maryland, and Virgina. I like the company, I appreciate all of the opportunity I’ve received from this chance at working in the fitness industry but I’m constantly in flux about where I want to be in life. Always swinging from the pendulum of existential angst and contentment. My mind lives mostly in the ebbs and flows of ambitions. I don’t know if anyone will get what I’m trying to say there so I’ll explain what I think I really want. Autonomy, independence, and time. Basically I have to get self-employed because I will never be happy until I really own my own time.

Fitness is a huge part of my life and I have many aspirations of being great at what I do athletically and professionally. Therefore this daily log is appropriate for this website, which will basically just be an extension of my life and a doorway into my mind. I want to be absolutely candid and genuine. Authenticity is extremely important to me, which is why I am fascinated by people like Hunter S. Thompson, who will break every social rule without care. He will be an asshole but in the most genuine way. He, I feel, was interested in the underbelly of life, a place where people exist in their rawest, most encompassing form. Authenticity is a reason I like to travel to other countries. For example servers in America so cookie cutter in the way the deal with you that it’s refreshing when someone comes by and let’s their true colors shine. This happens in other countries as people don’t have as much social anxiety as we do. That observation was based on absolutely no data by the way.

12:11am

I’m reading Tim Ferris’s book “The Four Hour Workweek” and it’s making me look for all kinds of inefficiencies in my life. I recognize more daily tedium than before. I also am looking for the thing to put most of my energy into that will give me my best return on investment. Since my passion is fitness, specifically endurance, I’ll try to focus all of my productivity on being the best. Maybe I should go read some studies…

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